


Haste to the Wedding

by 000dia000



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Basically if you want something short and sweet, M/M, Marriage, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, but like, here you go, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 08:27:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15904599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/000dia000/pseuds/000dia000
Summary: Dan’s goal was to have sex before the day was up. Phil is too concerned about eating cake. They might just succeed in having the world's most okayest wedding, all minus Dan’s spontaneous music set and Phil’s questionable outfit choice.





	Haste to the Wedding

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically self-indulgent tooth-rotting fluff I forgot I wrote but decided to put out into the world before I lost my nerve.

‘It’s simple.’ he explained, buttering his third crumpet of that morning’s breakfast, ‘We have a cheeky nip away when no one’s looking, and if they do come looking we’ll just say we were stressed.’

‘Dan, I’m stressed as it is.’ Phil poured his coffee, thanking the waiter who brought it, ‘I’d rather hold everything together and-shouldn’t you do it, like, after the actual marriage? Is this really a conversation you want over breakfast?’

‘It’s too late to be good Christian boys, Philip.’ Dan pointed the glistening butter knife at him, ‘So, I’m going to be sinful. And later I’m going to eat cake. You’re going to eat cake. We’ll be bloated, lethargic and cranky. If we don’t do it now, we’ll be horny, too lazy, and nobody will be happy.

‘You know I wouldn’t usually pass on anything but Mum and Dad will be down for breakfast, and Martyn someone was looking for me, but didn’t say who-‘ 

'Are you really going to pass a wank for meeting aunt Gladys-?’

‘Who the hell is aunt Gladys-?’

‘The aunt kind.’ Dan grinned through a mouthful of food, ‘All over here for our special day. I feel like a princess, eating brunch in a small country manor with my best friend slash knock out stud.’

‘Remind me why I’m marrying you again.’ Phil said tight-lipped, repressing a smirk.

‘Because you love me.’ Dan cooed then whispered, ‘There’s no escape.’

‘Oh.’ Phil giggled. 

‘And it is your aunt Sarah, TBH.’ Dan rolled a few stray crumbs together into a ball before flicking it into his cup with the remaining dregs of his coffee. ‘Martyn mentioned it.’

‘Do I look alright?’ Phil decided to be honest, Dan looked up from his plate dark eyes flickering him over, ‘I don’t have spots, do I?’

‘Phil, you look as vampiric as always.’ Dan scoffed but reached across the table and stroked the back of his palm, ‘Everything okay? You’ve hardly touched your food.’

‘Little butterflies, and everything.’ Phil smiled peacefully then shook out the nerves in a long sigh, gesticulating his fingers with the motion. Dan slid a comforting thigh between his own beneath their table. Holding hands over greasy breakfast and playing footsie in public was unthinkable only yesterday.

Slow movements and casual gestures, to accustom those outside their circle to become familiar with their patterns. To allow themselves to become familiar with each other all over again, working from the beginning to reinstate what should be the foundations of a relationship.

There was never a coming out, there was only a gradual move towards an ultimatum. This day was them making a grand show of their affection to their mutual families, but a private thing none-the-less. A small wedding in a small, rural venue, but no secret, hush-hush locations on remote islands and wedding vows in Morse code.

The idea was: a wedding was a wedding. A piece of paper, _really_. They didn't really need it, but it made family happy. It was expensive, entirely unnecessary, but _da_ _mn_ Phil was confident about his suit and their flower designs pleased his inner princess.

Maybe people will find out. Nothing was to be posted online. Yet, even if they did, it wasn’t going to be a big deal. Life will go on. Phil could imagine Dan smiling and rolling his eyes on camera in live shows, people pestering they will ever show or tell them anything. _You don’t deserve it._ It was funny to think about. Dan was a simple man, after all. Phil absentmindedly ran a finger across Dan’s knuckle.

There’s also the fact that _this_ was the moment drilled into his head as a child. Marriage? _Marriage_! Something you’re meant to do. Everybody’s meant to get married? Find a wife, settle down, have a kid, have a dog, but it was something Phil never really cared for. Why did he have to do what everyone thought a 30-something year old should do? He was more content spending out his days being young-hearted, questionably hip, estranged without ever even realizing-!

And it was like what he said, they didn't  _need_ to be married. Nobody needs to be. 

 But as he held Dan’s hand those thoughts seemed meaningless now. Time spent worried or frustrated was all a waste. It wasn’t something expected of him, no, this was a choice and as it turns out such a happy one.

And the choice was made by Dan himself, who said _Yes._

‘C’mon.’ Dan urged, staring him down getting giddier by the minute, ‘We’ll just say we decided to take a half-hour nap before the ceremony. We’ve everything ready, who needs three hours to try on a suit?’

‘Dan.’

‘And we can be a bit extra, you know.’ Dan giggled, ‘Lie and say we slept it out, turning up flushed and everything wouldn’t look so suspicious. Even then’s just you don’t want a proper fuck.’

‘ _Dan.’_ Phil was blushing now.

‘Yeah, what?’

‘Mum and Dad are over there.’ Phil murmured to the presence by the breakfast bar, ‘Don’t look.’

Dan was still for a moment, actually shrinking down into his seat, eyes flickering over. The Lesters were indeed ordering food and in near vicinity, they were turned away but there was no doubt that it was out of politeness to pleasantly ignore the conversation they didn’t wish to hear.

‘Aw, shit.’ Dan whispered, he slid his feet back from Phil’s and sat up straight. Still self-conscious and on “best” behaviour, despite the fact it was his wedding day. Kat seemed to take the time to turn back around in this moment, and spread a gracious smile not sure if genuine or forced

‘Boys.’ She said, ‘Did you sleep well?’

‘Do you think she heard-?’ Dan said later, once they high-tailed out of there and sat hiding at in a booth in reception. He hugged his arms around himself, a permanent pinkness to his cheeks. His curly, bed-head made him look all the more flustered. In these kind of moments he didn't seem to embody a "grown man" and seemed to return to a simpler, more childish version of himself. Phil lowered his head down and curled against his broad shoulder, drawing from his warmth.

‘Of course she did.’ Phil scoffed, ‘She’s Mum, she hears everything.’

‘And your Dad?’ his voice hummed throughout his body and Phil's cheek felt ticklish so he sat back up straight.

‘He’s voluntary at his son’s fabulous gay wedding, I think he’ll survive.’ Phil shrugged, ‘Maybe, like, ten years ago it would bother me. I would die on the spot. I would literally die. But I'm mature now.’

‘You’re an old man, you mean. And jaded. Any onlookers-the staff included-must think I snagged some sugar Daddy.’

‘The receptionist thought I was your younger brother.' Phil shuddered at the memory, 'Watch yourself before you come for me. I've still got my looks-'

Dan made a face as if he was insulted.

'-and Martyn and Cornelia are older than me, and not married yet.’ Phil continued, using his older brother and (kinda, nearly) sister-in-law as a defense.

‘Ignore that. You’re still old, mister. You’re past your prime.’ Dan retorted and had to dodge Phil reaching out in a lacklustre tackle, ‘You see?'

‘I’m going to get you, Howell.’ Phil growled and reached for him again, this time to tackle him.

‘Phil- _please!’_ Dan screamed trying to fend him off. They heard a slight coughing behind them. Phil dropped his hold on Dan to see his brother, already fully dressed and decked out in his china-blue best man’s suit and finely combed back hair.

‘Phil.’ Martyn said firmly, but withheld a smile, ‘Dan’s Mum called for him to get ready, and your aunt Sarah is out of the taxi, fresh, and wants to hand you a card directly.’

‘She’s going to kiss me on the mouth, isn’t she?’

‘That’s why I’m meeting with you in front.’ Martyn nodded, ‘Let her lay her affections on the soon-to-be-married. She'll use up all her spit kissing you first, then I'll get the second, much drier treatment.

‘Alright, Dan. I’ll be back.’ Phil gave a peace out and was about to stand and head out when Martyn grabbed his shoulders.

‘Not so fast.’ He instructed, ‘Gotta get you ready as well. I know what you two are like. You’ll have to say goodbye to your fiancée.’

Phil rolled his eyes. Him and Dan weren’t the huggy type, and not into PDA, but it was their wedding, fuck it. He extended his arm dramatically towards him.

‘Goodbye my love.’ He said, with all the irony he knew would be appreciated, ‘I’ll return from war some day.’

‘And your Mum said to meet her in her room, so you can get ready.’ Martyn intercepted their lengthy giggles over entwined fingers by hooking Phil’s arm and pulling him away.

‘Will do.’ Dan nodded, he caught Phil’s eye and grinned, ‘Don’t be late.’

‘Says the guy who always packs last minute-’ Phil retorted, but Martyn had him in tow and was halfway across the reception and out the front door, ‘-Wear something nice-!’

Dan chuckled to himself as he watched his tiny black head of hair bob out of sight. His stomach felt as if it was twisting and doing flips but in a good way. He made his way towards the elevator and pulled out his phone to text his mother he was ready and will be there in five minutes before opening up the Twitter app and flicking through it.

 

*

 

‘I can’t believe she kissed me on the mouth.’ Phil tongue flickered out as his whole body shuddered in a grimace, ‘I sound ungrateful, this card is physically straining with whatever’s inside, but gosh I feel violated.’

‘What you need to do, is be the one that kisses her first.’ Martyn threw the protective case containing Phil’s suit onto the bed, ‘Kiss her on the cheek, she’ll do the same. She’s the bold one who goes to second base.’

‘Oh God, no, stop.’ Phil shrunk into his seat in the corner. He was busy straightening his hair back off his forehead then secured it with hairspray. So far Phil was having a sudden existential crisis regarding his haircut.

‘Martyn…’ he whined, swiveling himself around in his seat, he jiggled his leg impatiently, his brother was on the phone.

_Yeah…Yeah…he’s nearly ready, he’s just whining at me…’_ Martyn was on the phone, to a person, maybe Dan, maybe some family or soon to be in law, and Phil felt a little bit like a drama queen.

‘Who’re you speaking to?’ Phil pestered.

‘Mum. She says to be down in ten minutes.’ Martyn retorted quickly, before bringing the phone back.

‘ _No, no._ ’ he insisted, his voice dropping an octave as he waddled into the ensuite, ‘ _I will not have my wedding in the same place my little brother has….I don’t care you like the architecture, Mum…’_

Phil gave up and stared at his reflection in the mirror. Dan was humouring him earlier when he insisted he looked okay. He was way too pale, his skin grey and greasy. The bags under his eyes seemed to droop constantly lower into a permanent indentation and his crows feet more pronounced than ever. His hair wasn’t sitting right, that annoyed him all the more, it seemed too flat now, too blocky. He must have put too much conditioner into it, it didn’t have the same volume and seemed heavy and sticky to his forehead. _Is that sweat??_ He wiped his forehead aggressively but seemed bone dry, in a clammy sort of way. He found negativity in everything, he was aware of that, but he felt nervous and sick, and it was already showing in his appearance.

He aggressively ran his fingers through his hair with the internal screaming of _Fuck it_ and saw the wildness that resulted due to the hairspray he placed, his hair streaking in weird lumps and looked greasy despite just washing it. He caught his own eye in his reflection and saw his lip wobble. He unplugged the straightener, sat back, and tried to control his breathing that was working up.

Martyn came out after saying _See you soon_ to their Mum and saw Phil sitting in the corner, small looking and as if the life was sucked out of him.

‘Phil…’ he started and saw Phil jump and look at him shakily, his eyes were teary and his breathing irrational. ‘You okay?’

He stood transfixed, rooted to the spot, Phil shrunk lower in his seat and buried his face in his arms.

‘Oh, Phil.’ Martyn went over and stood above him, he rubbed his shoulder back and forth as Phil pressed his face into his belly, as they used to do as kids whenever Phil got upset. Phil was shaky but didn’t seem to be having a complete meltdown. He shook a bit, then seemed to calm down, he sat back and tears streaked his puffy face. He sniffed miserably sounding congested.

‘My hair looks terrible.’ Phil whispered.

‘ _Phil.’_ Martyn sighed, he repressed running a hand through his own perfected hair out of frustration, ‘Is that really it?’

‘I just don’t want to look bad.’ he sniffed. 

‘It-it isn’t about anything else-is it?’ Martyn tensed, he knew undoubtedly Phil was nuts for Dan, but he wondered if he was ready for this, or if it was getting to his head. However, the question itself seemed to unstill Phil who shook his head instantly.

'No, I just feel….’ Phil thought for a moment, ‘Weird. I just do. It’s like, why me? Why am I getting married? What did I do to deserve this? Is this like imposter syndrome?’

‘I’m not sure it is.’ Martyn smiled, ‘But I think I know what you mean. Stop looking so sad, I’ll do something swanky.’

‘You’ll do something swanky?’ Phil giggled, ‘What more can you do with my quiff?’

'Slick your hair, change the parting even. Like that, yeah.’ Martyn smiled, ‘Now turn around. I have limited time, so this may test my talents.’

‘Do you think Dan will like this waistcoat?’ Phil pulled at his waist, ‘It’s questionable. I’m going to get some passing remarks, won’t I? He’s going to photoshop it out of the pictures?’

‘You know what? Probably.’ 

 *

‘Dan! _Dan!_ ’

His brother pounded on the door. Moody little shit.

‘I’ll be out in two minutes, Adrian. I swear to God.’

‘It’s be forty minutes. I need to piss!’

‘Can’t you go do it in reception?’

‘Open the door-I can’t make it!’

‘Jesus-fuck, fine. _Fine!_ ’ Dan reached for the door and his brother stumbled inside, undid his fly and began to heed his call to nature right there behind him. Dan wrinkled his nose and was brought back to the application brush in his head and applying the creamy concealer beneath his eyes and blending it in.

‘Didn’t think you wore makeup.’ Adrian snickered over the heavy stream. Their words echoed in the tight space. It stopped suddenly and he was doing his fly up again.

‘Wash your hands you filthy urchin.’ Dan stepped to the side, beckoning Adrian back to the sink and soaps, ‘You’re not an animal. And I wear make-up on camera.’

Dan shrugged, to defend himself after his own words. He felt weird defending it, Phil would never call him out on it. He continued, ‘And I just wanted to show up nice in photos and everything. And if I don’t look nice on my wedding, when will I?’

‘No, you’ll just sweat through it.’ Adrian shook his hands free of water.

‘Prick.’ Dan grumbled, though he was probably right, but didn’t realize just how much so. Dan wondered at what point in the day he was going to look gross.

‘Are you nearly done, then.’ Adrian pointed to Dan’s assortments of aftershaves and hair care items, ‘Yikes, like. How does it take you forty minutes to slap shit on?’

‘What did you do?’ Dan retorted, ‘Fall out of bed and wash your balls? Don’t shit on me for wanting to dress up nice.’

‘Boys, stop fighting.’ His mother called from the bedroom, where she was doing makeup touch-ups in front of the vanity in the corner. Dad was still sitting on the bed without trousers and his tie untied around his shoulders. He was reading a book and seemed to be out of action.

‘ _Stop fighting_.’ Dan muttered to himself, he threw his stuff back into his case, a little bitterly.

‘Dan, I didn’t mean to piss you off, I was just kidding.’

‘I know, I know.’ Dan shrugged on his suit jacket, ‘How do I look?’

‘I’m blinded. Bright white. Really?’

‘I like it.’ he said defensively, giving a dramatic twirl, ‘I don’t have the bowtie on yet, I was going for an off shade of red.’

‘You are going for a more, eh, flamboyant choice.’ Adrian noted, ‘I'm trying my hardest not to say gay. Phil doing the same?’

‘It's extremely gay, thanks. And don’t know, we decided to leave it a surprise.’ Dan shrugged.

‘So, he might show up in a boring black and white suit, that might barely fit him, and you’re standing here like Graham Norton?’

 ‘I will kill him.’ Dan said firmly, but wasn’t so serious. Not really. ‘No, well I would be disappointed he wasn’t so creative, Martyn said that they chose something with colour. As long as he doesn’t come out in a clown costume, I’ll be happy.’

Dan moved past him and leaned out the door, calling to his parents, ‘Mum, are you nearly ready? Dad! You’re not even dressed. I don’t want to be late to my own wedding.’

‘Daniel, we don’t need to be downstairs for ten minutes.’ She pressed her lips together smudging the lipstick evenly.

‘Dad, put on pants.’

‘I’m near the end of this chapter.’ He muttered.

‘I’d like a bit more enthusiasm.’

‘Hurrah’ He barely looked up

‘You’ve the rings?’ Dan set upon Adrian, who despite being dressed up, visually ready, probably did something wrong. Something _had_ to go wrong, and it was probably soon. Adrian, however, pointed to the box on the bedside cabinet.

‘There.’ He said dumbly.

‘Don’t forget it.’

‘I won’t.’ Adrian scoffed, genuinely insulted, ‘Why did you make me your best man if you don’t trust me?’

‘I do trust you.’ Dan assured, ‘And you’re my brother, who else do I have to publicly humiliate as much. Also, you standing beside me makes me look so much more better.’

‘Asshole.’ Adrian muttered as Dan dodged his swipe around the ear.

*

And the music started.

There were only two rows on either side, for immediate family and for a few close friends and family. It was a small event and that made it all the more dainty. The flower arrangements were a strange choice. Dan had initially wanted a monochromatic look, but was convinced otherwise when Phil started making comparisons between chess boards and dalmation dogs. Dan tried to ignore him, but then Phil purposely bought Dalmatian stickers and stuck them on their laptops, on their bed, on Dan’s piano, on the old milk. Dan snapped. _I get it!_ He had said.

And so they went with this.

Each bench of the room was edged with white roses, as tradition usually had it, but one side of the hall, Phil’s family’s side, had blue bouquets that Cornelia had prepared, while Dan’s had red ornamentation. They liked the colours and associated it with each other. Phil’s favourite colour was blue, he was cool, usually calm and level-headed, while Dan was red, and while it was such an aggressive colour is seemed to signify his passion and pride he has. Visually it seemed to signify them, and fitted the scheme well. It didn’t feel as if they ordered in someone to pretty it up for money, it felt as if had a piece of them in it.

The music stopped, carefully chosen Chopin stopped mid-note and the pastor looked very confused. He circled back around to the music machine and pressed it off and on again. Gave it a gentle tap. Dan who was standing at the side (and felt every bit as weird, especially seeing Phil’s silhouette, they were meant to walk up together, but already felt a little weird knowing they could see each other. The pastor gave the player another little smack and it thrummed to life. Dan caught Phil’s eye and they began to giggle. It was lost beneath the music.

First up, Dan with Adrian beside him. Dan’s suit glistened under the large chandeliers in the room and he smirked seeing people look astounded to see such a daring outfit. Even his parents who were in the room with him as he prepared, seemed to as taken aback. He felt that the touch of the dark red as a bowtie really completed the look, it was slightly jarring and felt part of his theme. Adrian couldn’t be convinced into wearing anything even slightly similar, and just donned a rudimentary dark suit jacket but with a  red bowtie the same shade as Dan’s. It was complimentary, that’s all that matters. Their goal wasn’t to match, not entirely. Dan didn’t want the outfits to be more a normal, kind of bland wedding anyway.

Phil followed behind them, beside Martyn. Dan couldn’t see him in his entire outfit and wished Phil could see him. They turned to face each other and Dan had to take a step back.

Dan swallowed thickly. He had been preparing himself for this moment for _God-knows_ how long know, but nothing could prepare him for this. Phil looked amazing. Martyn did something to his hair and combed it back with gel, it was so unlike him and so sleek and random, it was so strange. His eyes were so blue and his cheekbones jutting. It felt momentous like seeing a Twilight vampire before him. He was unbelievably beautiful.

That was until Dan noticed the suit. Then he just couldn’t help but giggle. Phil had gone for a navy blue colour, that was simple but a good cut, especially with dark crimson suede shoes, but then the waistcoat. It was striped red and blue with thin white seams between the two colours. Dan got the distinct impression of a flag, lollypops, barber shop swirls in his mind. He looked like a candyman. It was hilarious but adorable.

He hadn't noticed Phil had stepped forward until he did and was pulled into an embrace, he lifted his arms in instinct and buried his face into his warm neck, smelling the familiar after-shave and rubbed his cheek along the slight bristle of his despite being freshly shaved. He became distinctly aware of their family around them and breaking apart Dan blushed at the realization of the slight giggles of their little hug. Someone wolf whistled. Phil still held onto him, their hands together, they would not let go. There was no need to. Phil caught his eye and he melted under his gaze in that instance.

It was overwhelming but in the best way possible.

CLICK. CLICK. CLICK.

Oh, God. The photographer. He noticed Phil try and fail to hide an awkward smile as the cameraman did his dance about them. Dan leant forward into his space, ignoring everybody else in the room.

‘We did ask for this.’ He whispered, reassuringly, more so to himself. Being the center of attention, particularly centering around the part of his life he was most private about, was daunting. He was still one edge, despite everything. Phil’s fingers ate into his.

‘We’re going to look so awkward in the photos.’ Phil giggled. ‘More than usual.’

‘So, shall we begin?’

The ceremony went on as normal, with as little disruption as planned, until Dan leaned closer to him.

'Phil, I don’t mean to alarm you.’ he whispered into his ear, while everybody was distracted, ‘But you better watch out. The bloke is taking aesthetically pleasing pictures of your ass. I’m not complaining.’

He winked. Phil began to laugh and then began to choke. People noticed and he turned pink. Dan squeezed his hand.

‘Do you have the rings?’ the pastor asked. Dan turned to Adrian expectedly who had them proudly in front of him, Dan smiled and whispered _Thank you_ as they took them up. Placing them on each other’s fingers was surprisingly strange, grabbing another person’s finger and putting on a ring, it was awkward in a strange way.

But so was saying vows, saying how you would live with a person until they died, how you would stay faithful and love them. Phil didn’t know what was going on for most of it, Dan rattled off the speech with fervency, each word meant something, there was such passion in the words he said. It left Phil numb, each word sending shivers throughout his body. Dan's hands in his were an impossibly attractive weight. Looking into his eyes he couldn’t grasp the infinity, the depth behind them, and their softness. The beauty in looking at him, the overwhelming familiarity ingrained in his gestures and movements. His words in return were shaky, but not without genuine. He saw the way Dan chewed his lip.

‘I do.’ They both said, but nothing else could be said more. They seemed to be crying, but it wasn’t intense sadness they were feeling, and though people cheered and clapped for them, the music began, and everything was meant to draw together in a great cacophony of a final kiss-

It did not.

Their hands enclosed around each other’s faces seemed stuck, not even the closest embrace could break the moment. The closest intimacy they could truly share was examining and relishing in the tight control of each other’s gaze. It was when everybody else looked away and shuffle about, cough nervously and lose the seriousness and sincerity of the ceremony, that it broke.

Dan leaned forward and with a gentle touch pecked him on the end of his nose. Phil started crying a little bit more, then.

*

‘Are you hungry?’

‘I’m hangry.’ Phil said truthfully, shifting in Dan’s lap where he was being cradled, Dan’s hand rested gently on top of head. It felt so strange, being so close and cuddly in public, but everything left them on a high, their guard was lowered, and it was to stay, considering their isolation from the rest of the world and only exposure being to those they are closest to.

‘Do you think we should go socialize?’ Dan whispered, fingers running across the prickling hairs of Phil’s sideburn. Phil scrunched up his face a bit.

‘Nah.’ He shifted in his lap, ‘They can mix with each other. They all know us, but they don’t know everybody so much. Now’s the time.’

‘Now, this is why I married you.’ Dan laughed and Phil reached up and folded his hand over his.

‘I’m glad I found you.’ He admitted, ‘If you think about it, it could have been so easy just to have never met you in person. Maybe lost you as one of those internet friends that stops logging in and then ten years later you remember and hope they’re doing okay.’

‘I’d rather not think about it.’ Dan chuckled, a little darkly. ‘I already get existential about my career and who I am, if I start thinking about meeting you, and possibly not meeting you, and what would have happened and what would be different, then it would drive me crazy.’

‘But you know what, Dan?’

‘What?’

‘I have you. I actually have you.’

‘We’re being so corny.’ Dan admitted, Phil laughed at that, in agreeance, ‘Not to ruin the mood, but we only get this gushy when we’re drunk, or in bed.’

‘Never too late.’

‘For what?’

‘Like you said. Sneak away for a bit. Just you and me.’

‘Why be so subtle.’ Dan laughed, ‘Just say go fuck, go fuck behind some hedges or something.’

‘Ew, no, Dan.’ Phil fumbled in Dan’s lap and turned himself around and looked him in the eye, ‘I support your kinks but public sex in front of my family is something that would haunt me for the rest of my life.’

‘Too true, but I’m never opposed to the idea.’ Dan winked at him as Phil scoffed.

‘I don’t think dinner is meant to be ready for another half hour.’ Dan rubbed along his waist, ‘Might try and get this waistcoat off you. I feel like I’m touching up Willy Wonka.’

‘Don’t shame my kinks.’ Phil retorted, but then look worried, ‘Is it really that bad?’

‘No, no.’ Dan covered himself, realizing he fucked up, ‘It’s very you, it suits you, but you know me, making a mess of everything.’

He laughed awkwardly to himself.

Phil sat up and embraced him, his arms wrapping around him and face buried into his chest where Dan cradled him.

‘It’s okay.’ He said very sweet and kindly, ‘I’ve got my big polar bear, here.’

‘I don’t know whether this is a compliment or whether I should be offended.’ Dan admitted, pushing a piece of loose hair behind Phil’s ear.

‘Eh, a bit of both.’ Phil shrugged, nuzzling himself farther, ‘And leave me alone with my corniness, I’m just glad I have you.’

‘No, I appreciate that.’ Dan reassured, then decided to straighten himself out, ‘So, what do you think about going upstairs?’

‘Sure.’ Phil then stood up, pulling Dan up and encircling his arms around his waist, ‘See how long it takes for my hair to turn curly.’

‘I think not.’ Martyn said stepping outside.

‘Oh, God.’ Dan mumbled as Phil screamed, softly.

‘They’re ordering soon, and please for the love of God, don’t make it awkward and disappear.’ Martyn rolled his eyes, ‘Everybody would know what you two are up to. This is such an awkward conversation to have with my little brother. Let’s never speak of this again.’

‘Speaking of it again…’Dan intercepted, ‘Couldn’t you just say that we’re fixing…Phil hair, or something?’

‘Don’t make me feel weird.’ Martyn implored.

‘Is it that bad.’ Phil whispered, touching his head tentatively.

‘No, Dan’s just winding you up. You look cool, Phil.’

‘Now you’re definitely making it worse.’ Phil groaned.

'Come in.’ Martyn gestured with his head, ‘It’s overcast anyway, as chances have it. There’s a place at the head of the table, you’re lucky that there’s not many people.’

‘Do you think that it was best, you know, not having it in a church.’ Dan said, though it was too late in retrospect.

'Well, it was your choice, wasn’t it?’ Martyn pointed out.

‘Did your parents or grandparents comment on it?’ Phil nudged Dan.

‘Not really.’ He shrugged, ‘I mean, I’m not even sure how open a church in let’s say my town would feel? Wouldn’t that be too out in the open, I don’t know.’

‘I like it here.’ Phil pulled Dan closer to him, held him close, ‘It’s too late now, might as well suck it up.’

‘Thanks Phil.’ Dan said dryly.

‘We can always get married a second time.’

‘No, we can’t?’

Yeah, we can.’ Phil insisted, ‘I’ll divorce you, and then marry you again. Have a bigger and better wedding.’

‘Just bring me off on a cruise somewhere then.’ Dan rolled his eyes.

'Lads, I’m starving.’ Martyn interrupted.

*

His Mum was nudging him, so he went and grabbed Dan’s sleeve, he was mid passionate conversation.

‘It’s time we give a speech.’ Phil explained, ‘How do we get people’s attention?’

‘I don’t know…’ Dan was lost for a moment, they knew everyone here but it felt weird to suddenly speak up, no _shout_ to get people’s attention-

His mother cleared his throat from beside them.

'Phil and Dan would like to say something.’ She announced and then pushed them forward, flanking them towards the centre of the room. Phil was already holding a glass of champagne.

‘Thank you everyone, for coming.’ He said very earnestly, his face shining, ‘We had a great time and it was great having everyone here to share it with us.’

_Stupid_. He said in his head, it felt sloppy, not very eloquent.

‘To spare the embarrassment of our best men.’ Dan continued on, ‘We allowed them to step down from preparing a speech, but Martyn wanted to say something short.’

Phil perked up at that, wondering what Martyn had in mind. His brother stood there, a grin on his face and a glass in his hand.

‘To my wonderful, annoying little brother.’ Martyn started, ‘You were the best friend a guy could ask for, you were always there for me, even when I didn’t realize it. Even though you were my little brother you were always wiser than me, you didn’t have a thick head.’

People chuckled appropriately as he paused. He continued.

'So, it’s so strange seeing you all grown up. You’ve started a life for yourself. You started a family.’ He gestured to Dan. ‘And you’ll always be family. You’ll always be my brother, and the best damn one I could ask. Congratulations Phil, is all I want to say. You’re a kind soul, and I’ve never seen a person make you shine so much.’

Phil reached forward and enveloped Martyn in a tight hug. _Thank you._

Adrian cleared his throat. ‘So, I don’t actually have anything prepared…’

‘Sorry, it was impromptu.’ Dan explained, ‘You don’t have to say anything.’

‘I’m a bit on the spot.’

‘Sorry.’

‘But I just want to say, as well, congratulations.’ Adrian nodded, ‘To my older brother, and my new brother, you’re both cool and you’re both good together.’

‘Thanks.’ Dan chuckled and gave him an awkward side hug.

‘Anything you’d like to say to each other?’ Chris suggested.

They looked between each other.

‘I don’t know.’ Phil said honestly, ‘We did already say what we said during the ceremony. I’m like Adrian, I don’t want to be put on the spot.’

‘I can bullshit for a bit.’ Dan laughed, the corrected himself. ‘Excuse my language. I know you don’t want me to embarrass you, so I keep it short and sweet. Phil Lester, you’ve made me happy, that’s all there is to it. And I’m really excited to spend the rest of my life with you.’

‘I love you.’ Phil answered simply, all of his words used up.

And with that, they could finally eat.

 *

‘Well, so you see.’ Dan explained, going into specifics about probably the most boring aspects of the planning of the wedding to his uncle and his wife, ‘We didn’t want to have a larger wedding, we just wanted to keep it small. Choosing between a lot of acquaintances, and cousins and family, and also having a large public following, we wanted to keep it as contained as possible. We were thinking of having a larger get together later this year, that’s a little less formal-‘

‘That bloke has the worst stance I’ve ever seen.’ His uncle interrupted him, staring earnestly at the photographer who went CLICK CLICK CLICK every so often. ‘I did a few weddings in my time, you know? I don’t know where you got that guy but I’d ask him for a copy of your pictures before he leaves, just in case he eff’s it up. He has that _look_ about him…’

‘Oh, okay.’ Dan shrugged him off, then turned to his wife, ‘Thank you for coming, you had the salmon, didn’t you? I thought it was nice.’

He was slowly going insane, making small talk when he could hear the distant tinkle of Phil’s laughter somewhere. They nattered senselessly for a few more minutes until she excused herself to use the restroom and Dan saw his chance.

Phil was leaning against the empty bar, talking to Cornelia.

‘Hello, Daniel.’ She said once he came over and enveloped him a hug that felt as if it would crush his bones. Her hugs were long, and earnest, he rested his head on hers at that time, and even Phil felt left out and gently lay a hand on Dan’s shoulder and tapped on it. He was drinking, and even more touchy-feely than usual.

And they were married. They stood together and held hands. The butterflies in his stomach awoke again and became even more restless.

‘I didn't get a chance to say but you look great.’ He tells her, ‘I love your dress.’

'Thank you.’ She giggled and gave a twirl, it was long, china blue and the waist had folds beneath that gave volume, particularly when she moved. ‘I was going for the colour scheme, except I already had red hair.’

‘That’s a good idea, actually.’ Dan acknowledged, but he could only focus so much on her words, when there was a living and breathing Phil beside him.

‘And thank you for helping out with the decorating.’ Phil expressed, very kindly to add to the topic of conversation. He made a very big deal about enunciating and speaking loud and clear. He was drunk, on the edge of giggles. Dan smiled. He wondered how he was going to pull him away, suggest going off together now that everyone was distracted once fed, but felt a tap on his elbow.

‘Phil, Dan, congratulations again!’

He sighed inwards but smiled graciously as another relative enveloped them in a hug.

‘You know.’ Dan acknowledged, once off from the main floor but not even bothering to be discreet, ‘Before I saw your face light up like a little kid when you saw the cake, I was going to suggest heading off. But then even I was lost to my desires. Cake is cake.’

‘Cake it Cake.’ Phil agreed, licking frosting off the plate with his finger, ‘There are certain priorities in life.’

‘Are you beat? Too full?’

‘You bet.’

‘They have the DJ in.’ Dan pointed out.

‘That they do.’

‘Do you want to dance, Phil Lester?’

‘Only with you, Daniel Howell.’ Phil took the moment.

The dance was their own, something integral to them, a song chosen that had meaning to their lives. Their private lives. A secrecy for that room, for that time, not written in stone, but only for them. There was no sentiment to a song shared, a song beaten by repetition and torn apart from novelty. The song felt untouched. It was theirs.  A few slow dances later, Phil was effectively growing tired and more tired by the night closing in. Drink affecting him and making him tired.

_SomeBODY-_

‘You added in that song without me knowing, did you?’ Phil tutted, burying his head in Dan’s shaking chest.

‘I’m sorry.’ He wheezed, trying to contain his laughter, ‘But you should have seen your face. You’re so tired, you didn’t think about it at first, you were enjoying it. Then you realized.’

‘This song is so gross. I hate you.’ Phil muttered into his shoulder.

‘Well, I love you.’ Dan smirked down at him, ‘That’s why I choose only the most quality of songs, the memier the better.’

‘Oh God.’ Phil stepped away, ‘You’re going to think about this, while I go off and ask Bryony for a dance.’

‘Well, I’ll just ask her boyfriend to do the same.’ Dan huffed sarcastically.

‘If I don’t see you two being romantic, I’m going to be upset.’ Phil joined in on the joke before marching off.

Dan rolled his eyes and actually walked off to find someone. Maybe find Cornelia or even Martyn, ask for a dance. That would be funny. He would find Phil later.

*

After a few dances with a happy and boisterous Bryony, she had reclaimed Chris, and now Phil had wandered back outside to escape the stuffiness and seek fresh air. He was surprised to find his own parents sitting out.

‘Oh, Nigel. Phil’s out now.’ His mother had sat up, his parents were reclined back on a bench that was under an alcove, they moved apart so he could sit between them, bury himself between their warmth.

‘I’m a bit tired, Mum.’ Phil admits, and yawns then and there.

‘Do you need to be put to bed?’ she cooed and gently massaged his shoulders in little taps of her fingers.

‘No, Mum. I’m not a child.’ Phil scoffed, and repressed another yawn coming on. ‘I had a great day, thank you for coming.’

‘I had to tape a match.’ His Dad feigned annoyance, ‘Asking me to a wedding on a Sunday? I can’t believe I was dragged along.’

‘Haha.’ Phil scoffed, he folded his hands onto his lap, ‘I think I am tired though, I might go find Dan and go to sleep.’

‘Give him a goodnight kiss from us.’

‘Thanks, Dad. Goodnight, Mum.’

‘Goodnight, love.’

Phil wanders back inside and finds Dan, talking to his own parents. He was smiling and laughing with them. That was great. He felt happy for them. He sidled up and clung to Dan’s arm.

‘Hi, Phil.’ They said to him, and he smiled and said hello back, but it was lethargic, fell from his mouth rather flat. He was slightly drunk, tired, and kind of wanted to cling to Dan and have his weight there next to him.

‘It’s the last song before people are heading back.’ Dan whispered to him, ‘Last dance?’

‘Last dance.’ Phil assured. They both said goodnight to the Howells and stepped onto the floor when the last song was playing. It was quiet indeterminate, something Dan had chosen. It was soulful, somewhat sad, but mellow.

'Why did you choose such a depressing song, Daniel?'

'Honestly don't know, I hoped you wouldn't notice.' Dan guided him along, their hips swaying slightly side to side and doing their damn hardest not to step on each other's toes, 'As soon as I heard it, I kind of regretted it immediately and hoped you wouldn't notice. No such luck.'

'Nope.' Phil popped. 

 

Dan smiled down at him. ‘I like songs like this anyway. They make you feel more than you understand. It’s how I feel about you. There are sometimes I feel like, isn’t love strange? Isn’t it such a weird concept? So primitive and hence so fake? But then I remember, well, of course, it seems that way, in theory, but when you actually feel it, it’s a lot more. You may not understand it, but the feelings are still there. And that’s what’s important. The only thing I know for definite, is that these feelings are here and they’re only for you.’

Phil encircled his fingers into his.

‘Forever?’ he whispered.

'Absolutely. I'm surprised you didn't laugh at my waffle.' 

'It didn't feel like it.'

*

They drop the key card twice before finally opening the door, stumbling in, still drunk, still delirious both with happiness and tiredness piled into one. Dan stroked and fumbled the wall until they found the switch. They had left out pyjamas to climb into, but Phil seemed to completely ignore that.

‘Oh, bed.’ He gasped and belly flopped onto it. Dan sat beside him and began to unlace his own shoes, shrug off his jacket, unbutton the waistcoat. He stared at Phil lying there, looking so soft and harmless he just wanted to abandon the heed to undress and lie there beside him and watch his face. He heard a loud snore.

‘Phil…Phil…?’ he shook Phil’s shoulder, but he was unresponsive, muttering to himself as he was in a haze, deep and away from Dan. Dan dropped his head with a sigh, then leaned down to brush his shoulder with a quick kiss. Sleep must do him well and sleep he must.

Dan undressed himself down to his boxers before shrugging on a shirt. He went to brush his teeth and by the time he came back, Phil was still the same, lying fully dressed, face down. He went to the trouble of undoing Phil’s shoes, throwing them behind him. Slipping on his jacket, then undoing the buttons and making a big motion of half waking Phil to pull off his clothes. Phil reached for him to come nearer to him.

‘No, you’re tired.’ Dan reprimanded, ‘Time to sleep. Take off your pants.'

Phil did so and before he could think straight Dan was already shoving him under the covers.

‘Lie down.’ He insisted, and Phil did, curling up into himself.

He thanked God that Phil ended up getting that laser eye surgery so he didn’t have to freak out about contact lenses. He turned off the light above them and fumbled into bed beside him. He felt around until Phil was close to him and he was curled up into Phils back, they linked hands again, as they seemed to do constantly today.

‘Thank you, Dan.’ Phil murmured into the darkness. Dan dress him closer to him, felt his bare skin close to his, the warmth, the clamminess after the long day, the trail of hair on his chest and stomach he stroked unconsciously as fatigue swept him.

‘Phil.’ Dan said, he sounded so surprised, as if it was something he just discovered, ‘I love you.’

Though it was something always known, at the moment, the world seemed such a big, scary place, and everything so complex and hard to understand. So putting two and two together for Dan, and making the connection, that YES this is how he truly feels, was so strange.

Life was just so strange. Phil just had to assure him.

‘Oh, Dan. I love you, too.’


End file.
